Being Jewish, we celebrate Pesach (Passover), the freedom from being slaves under Pharaoh. We celebrate for 2 nights because it took 2 days for the runner to get from one end of Palestine to the other to alert ancients that it was time to celebrate. The photo above was taken Friday night after an inspiring and loving Sedar (the ceremony of readings and eating) with our blended, extended family in Berkeley hosted by our wonderful friends Lee & Judy. In fact my former husband, my son's father, took the photo above.
Hat: Hats in the Belfrey:gift from former sister-in-law and my four nieces & nephews.
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| The second night, Saturday, we were again with our extended, blended family but in San Rafael, Marin County. My son took the photo above. That is my oldest grandson behind me. He will be having his Bar Mitzvah next March when he turns 13. Right here I'm going to riff on the joys and pleasures of having a blended, extended family. Divorce is usually devastating to everyone in the family. Children are apt to feel they must decide between parents; they are usually caught in the middle, becoming the fulcrum of the battle; they often internalize the worst of the struggle. It took us 13 years of trying and wanting to truly forgive and neutralize our feelings. We came together when necessary, like to honor our son's Bar Mitzvah, but there was bitterness, hurt and resentment. Norman married a very loving & welcoming woman, Roberta. She and her family supported our ideal of a blended family and opened their home & hearts to me, the former wife. After much emotional work and time we finally became a loving, blended family. Now our children & grandchildren don't have to alternate homes for the holidays. We all celebrate all our festivals & birthdays together. We go to our grandsons' baseball, soccer, football, basketball & Lacrosse games...together. It's a win, win all around. No one is left out; all are included. No one is alone or lonely for all the special days and events in our lives. In fact, my former, Norman, is the MC for my 70th birthday party. Sadly we lost Roberta just January 18th, after a shockingly aggressive cancer took her from us. Coming together last week to celebrate Pesach with her brother's family, Norm's nieces family, our sons & their families and friends is as healing as it gets, for all of us are grieving while celebrating the joys that do continue in this world. Hat: Target |
I've seen this happen in a friends blended family - what a wonderful blessing, for the children especially, when everyone forgives and tries to get along.
ReplyDeleteI've also seen a man who never forgave his ex-wife. He was still bitter after thirty years - and still complaining about her! Sad situation, and so unnecessary.
You are so right! Loving, kindness and forgiveness are a gift we all benefit from. I once heard that holding onto anger, bitterness and resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Those negative emotions eat at us and deprive us of a vibrant, loving and fulfilled life. We hurt ourselves and our whole constellation of family & friends. Bless our humility and pass the gratitude and appreciation.
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